So, this week was different.
The team that came does things pretty differently than the rest, and they’re much bigger. I found that it’s a lot harder to get to know a group of 37 people as opposed to one of 18. It was a pretty weird feeling saying goodbye to the team and realizing that I still didn’t know a handful of their names.
Nevertheless, this was one of my best weeks so far. I got to know a few people pretty well, and I really appreciated the time to get to know them and fellowship with them. One of the coolest parts about this past week was that one woman who came, Melanie, set up and led a women’s bible study for all the deaf women at JDV. It was a great time of teaching and also some crafts!
The team had a very obvious sense of unity and you could tell they had grown a lot closer as a group throughout the week.
About halfway through the week I started feeling really lonely, which didn’t make a lot of sense considering I was pretty much always around people… Like ALL the time. But I wasn’t exactly having the best night, and I constantly felt like I wasn’t enough. I didn’t quite think I could measure up. Not to anyone in particular, but I just didn’t really feel like I was enough for people. One of the nights, at the team’s devotion, God showed me that I was just looking for assurance in the wrong places. Instead of constantly seeking approval in the people around me, I should be remembering that God thinks I’m MORE than enough. So I promised to (try my best to) stop caring what people think of me and stop letting that control my life. I’ve already seen a huge difference. I think that was also really separating me from God. The past few weeks I’ve felt a little more distant from the Lord than usual, and I couldn’t figure out why. But as obvious as it sounds, if you’re constantly focused on yourself and what people think of you, it’s really hard to concentrate on God and what He has planned for you. I’m just thankful that He helped me learn this lesson fairly easily and not very painfully.